Isn’t it true that the number 1 thing home business owners and network marketers fear most is being rejected. Heck I think most people fear hearing the word no. It breaks us down to the very core...making us feel like we are unworthy, unloved, unsupported. Most network marketers will quit the first time they hear the word no, because it has such a profound affect on how they view themselves, and they are willing to throw all their hopes and dreams away because the fear and hurt of rejection is so strong they just can’t move past it.

Isn’t that just heart breaking? I have always said, the hardest part of what I do is seeing someone give up on their dreams because of their own self doubt. But what if we reframed how we look at rejection and the word “no”. What if we really understood why people say no to us, learned to accept it as a positive, and what if we could reframe how we approach people so that we didn’t have to “Go for No” day in and day out.

First of all, like any relationship, it begins with expectations. Here is an example. When I started my business, our family was struggling. We were broke, in debt and had a new baby. I couldn’t afford to go back to work, and I couldn’t afford not to work. I was already a client using the amazing products my company creates, and I was already telling people how amazing they were, so I recognized the opportunity I had before me, and I went for it. I figured if I loved them, everyone would love them, and everyone would rather support me then purchasing less superior products from the drug store. I’ve never liked asking for help, and I was too proud to tell people what I was going through, but I had an expectation that they would be on board to support my new business venture...I mean, some people in financial trouble would just borrow money, and I was willing to work for it. That should be enough right?!

Well, you can say I was optimistic, or that I was naive, but either way, I learned quickly that most people don’t think about me and my problems as much as I thought they did, and they weren’t going to buy something just because I was selling it. But to be honest, I was hurt...crushed in fact. And it made asking for help even more difficult. My confidence in myself and what I was doing wavered, but I’m not the type of person who gives up just because someone else can’t see my vision or has an opinion about what I do. I had a lot of social proof around me that what I was doing was going to give me the freedom and financial security I felt I deserved and was willing to work for...so I persevered without support.

Along my journey of building many new relationships, recruiting and training people from all different walks of life, I have learned a thing or two about people, and about myself. When I started my business, I had no boundaries around it. I was trained to say yes to every opportunity, to my team when they needed me, to every coffee date, to every team meeting and training..if I was going to be successful I needed to be committed. And I was! I took my 2 week old baby to an all day training 3 hours return trip from my home, and at 4 weeks I took her to our global conference in Las Vegas. I did 15 home parties (back when I did parties) in 1 month while I was pregnant with a 2 year old at home. My business began to wear on me and on my family, but I was so focused on success, I lost sight of what it was I wanted from my business. I didn’t know how to say No, and if I did there was a lot of guilt around it.

And all the while I was saying yes to everyone, people were saying no to me, and you can imagine how a yes girl had a hard time understanding the word no. Things got worse before they got better, but with some coaching I realized there was a lack of boundaries in my business and in most of my close relationships. There was a lack of boundaries in the way I was being coached by my mentors, the way I was coaching my team in turn, and the way I was approaching my clients. My mentors expected me to show up and do the things they did to grow their business, I expected my team to produce results in exchange for my coaching and time commitment to them, and I expected that people should buy from me because I asked them.

We are hurt by the word no when we don’t know how to use it and recognize why it’s important. “No” protects us, it helps us prioritize what is important, and it helps us develop healthy boundaries. When we learn how to say no to the things that don’t serve us, we learn to respect when others say no to us. We learn that they’re not saying no because they don’t like us, but because they have a different vision for their life, or they have a different preference and idea of what works for them. I would rather someone say “No” to me, then say “Yes” to make me feel good, and then not take action on it. I would prefer kind honesty and a simple “I’m not interested”, then having someone pretend they are, and then string me along. I often think of this process like dating… no one likes to be strung along.

With the rise of network marketers in our industry and more and more people trying to navigate social media to build their business, I see the lack of boundaries that are creating more resistance (and more no's) towards our industry and it’s affecting all of us, so we need to work together to do something about it. We’ve survived the pyramid scheme phase, we can survive the social media etiquette growing pains!!

Somehow many new business owners, who I am sure have the best intentions as did I, feel the relationship rules don’t apply when it comes to using social media as a tool. But they do apply, and we need to not just be aware of them, but make sure we are abiding by them, for our own success, the success of others and our industry as a whole. Would you walk up to someone on the street and ask them to sleep with you? Would you walk up to someone you’ve never met and pitch them a product or try to sell them your opportunity? Probably not. Most people don’t have the courage to publicly prospect, but they have the courage to pitch their product online and in a private message, yet the results of this method are the same.

You will be ignored, dismissed, and chances are, turned down. Because no one wants to be treated like a cheap sell. It’s crossing their boundaries, and it makes you appear to not have any. When someone I’ve never met adds me to social media and pitches me before they’ve even introduced themselves, I can tell you, there is no chance I am buying anything from them, let alone taking time to engage them, because they are demonstrating their lack of boundaries and respect, and clearly just have their own best interest at heart. To me I feel they are making assumptions about what I need instead of taking time to learn about my needs.

So what if instead you got to know eachother a bit, introduced yourself, flirted, went on a date, learned a few things about the other person? Maybe on that date, the person you’re with shares with you a need, or a lack of disatisfaction in their life? And maybe you have the solution, but you’re not sure...so you ask if they would like to hear what you’ve done to solve a similar problem. Maybe they would like to hear more? Or maybe they don’t have a need, but they ask you what you do and they’re interested to know more..by now they have had a chance to decide if they like you and trust you, and maybe they’re ready to take the next step...or maybe they aren’t...so you nurture the relationship and remember that your job is to serve and be the solution to someone’s problem (and no, not all their problems!) but you can’t do that if you don’t know what their problem is...but you can ask questions, and perhaps they will open up to you when the time is right for them. And maybe the time will never be right...but cross their boundaries, and your efforts are likely to be rejected. Respect their boundaries, build on the relationship, and they will come to you if and when the time comes.

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So here’s the deal. People need to know what you do. They need to know you’re available to help them, and you need to be the person they know they can trust to solve their problems. NO ONE wants to be thumped with information or sold to, they do however want to be loved on, educated, thought of...so think about the ways you can bring value to these people, so that when they have a need, you will be the top of mind for them.

How do you do this?

Well there are a few different ways you can get in front of people without pitching them or spamming them with your info. But the most important thing is you need to be visible and I have 3 ways I do this.

1. Personal Branding: Consistently sharing information about myself on social platforms that helps people build trust and get to know me.

2. Marketing: Sharing value driven content about THE BENEFITS of my business, in line with my personal branding, which makes up for 80% of my marketing efforts, and 20% of the time I offer a direct invitation and call to action for someone to become a business lead and learn more.

3. Relationship building: Connecting with people online 1 on 1. Dating them, learning who they are, what they like, and sometimes discovering they have a problem I can solve. Or sometimes I meet someone who’s not interested in what I’m doing, at least for now, but we become friends. Or they love me and what I’m doing, and it’s not for them, but they want to help connect me to the right people. These are all amazing outcomes. But if I had the expectation that they need to fit into the box I created for them, then I may not be blessed with any of these things, and I would likely lose the relationships. And unfortunately that has happened to me, for one reason or another...whether that was a lack of integrity on my part or theirs, I am not sure.

   My FREE Social Media Guide walks you through personal branding online, how to market yourself authentically in a way that will build curiosity, and the do's and don'ts of social media that will help you build stronger relationships and more trust online. Get access by clicking on the button below!

   

To become a person of high integrity in this business, we cannot expect of others, but we can hold ourselves to a higher standard. I expect myself to take these action steps daily, because this is the recipe for success, and I am married to the process, not the outcome. I know that there are going to be people who want what I have, and people who don’t, but my success does not rely on others, it is my own responsibility. It’s not our job to convince people to do business with us, it’s our job to sort through their needs, to offer our services, and to stay committed to the process. It’s our job to accept when they don’t need our services. By respecting our own boundaries, we can respect theirs, and we will gain respect in return. That’s what real marketing is all about, relationships built on mutual respect and service.